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Dr. de Freitas’
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How do you love your child?
Posted: Thursday, February 02, 2012
By: Administrator
Valentines Day can feel like a stereotypical "Hallmark Holiday" loaded with chocolates, red roses, and other romantic symbols. But for parents of young kids, Valentine's Day is a great opportunity to not only show special love to your child, but to discover how they give and receive love best. What do I mean by this?
In the book, 'The Five Love Languages of Children,' Dr. Gary Chapman, PhD and Dr. Ross Campbell, MD, outline five ways kids (and all people) 'express and interpret' love. They are:
Words of affirmation
Spending quality time
Receiving gifts
Acts of service
Physical touch
According to the book, every child has one dominant way of expressing and receiving love. The other four ways are also important, but secondary. (You can take a short quiz with your child on the book's website to determine theirs.)
The book explains each love language, what it means, and highlights the many, many different ways we can show love to our children. T
his February, I encourage you to consider what your child's love language is. How do they show love? How do they receive it? Is having your undivided attention while you spend time together most important, or does a hug and a kiss mean more? There are no right or wrong answers here, only a chance to know and connect with your child more meaningfully.
With this in mind, here are some suggestions for expressing love in five ways:
Words of affirmation -
Kids don't have to have achieved something measurable, like a grade in school or a winning game, to deserve words of praise and love. Tell them that you love them often.
Quality time
- Do something new and out-of-the-ordinary with your child, start a new Valentine's Day (or just Tuesday) tradition where you spend meaningful together. Pick an activity that you child particularly likes.
Receiving gifts – This is easy. All kids enjoy small surprise gifts. Simple things such as a sugar free lollipop, or stickers!!
Act of service -
Helping with homework, teaching them a new skill, driving them to a play date or even reading to your kids all show love and caring through actions.
Physical touch -
Hugs! Lots and lots of hugs and kisses.
Wishing you a loving February,
Dr. Chrystal de Freitas
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Are you an orchid or a dandelion?
Posted: Monday, January 09, 2012
By: Administrator
Welcome 2012. It is always so exciting to start a new year: new goals, new ideas, just a clean fresh start. Of course many folks make resolutions and then put pressure on themselves to keep them. So I’ve decided my only resolution for 2012, which will be very easy to keep, is to have more FUN!
I read with interest a recent article in Scientific American Mind Magazine about new ways in which science is learning about the genetic variants that children inherit from their parents. Although I will not got into the complexities of the genetic patterns since I didn’t quite get the whole thing either (go to www.psychologicalscience.org for more info), I certainly understood and was curious about the notion that some children are orchids while others are dandelions.
This poetic resemblance has been used many times in the past. Is your child resilient, adaptable and will flourish no matter what? Some children are truly dandelions. They need little attention and seem to move along life regardless of the parental struggles or parenting styles.
Other children need a more purposeful, unique environment in order to flourish. These are your orchids. They do have a beautiful flower, they are creative and when placed in the right environment all works well and they are happy. But under stress, or the wrong set of circumstance and these children get into trouble and just spin their wheels unproductively.
In the venue of having more fun, we had New Year dinner celebration with family and friends. This year, we did a round robin asking the following question – Are you a dandelion or an orchid? It was interesting to see how others see themselves compared to how we see them, and vice versa.
So how is this practical to our everyday life? Look at your child realistically – is he/she an orchid with special qualities that need nurturing in a unique way or is your child a dandelion that skips through life regardless at what comes. Either way, we all have something beautiful to contribute to our world.
What are you? An orchid or a dandelion?
Stay well,
Dr. de Freitas
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