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Puberty in Girls: A Helpful
Healthy Chats Q&A...for Moms*
*Dads, Grandparents & Guardians too! |
Q: What do I do if my daughter won’t let me talk
to her about getting her period?
A: This is a lot more common than you might imagine! Speak to her a bit
about it was like when you were growing up and let her know that when
she is ready, you will be available. In addition, leave her a book that
she can read at her own pace.
Q: If the school is teaching a health class on the
subject, do I really need to talk to my daughter about puberty and the
stuff that comes with it?
A: Every school has its own version of the health class, and there is a
wide variation based on the presenter. Please don’t assume that all the
information will be covered, and that your daughter will understand all
the information in one seating. Your input will help show your daughter
that you are available and the loving authority for her to come to for
support.
Q: I am a pretty confident mother but I now I find
myself nervous about discussing body changes, menstruation and birds and
the bees with my daughter. Any helpful hints?
A: Prepare yourself beforehand by reviewing the basic information, but
above all, remember you don’t need to do the whole talk at one seating.
Do something fun together that she enjoys and then bring up the subject.
Have “props” such as pads, liners, and tampons available.
I can almost guarantee that most girls chat with their classmates about
puberty and menstruation, so make sure that the information is accurate,
starting at home. Consider setting up an in-home seminar for all the
girls in her class so everyone has an opportunity to review the proper
information together.
Q: I am worried I might overwhelm my 10 year old
when I tell her the facts of life and explain what a period is. What
should I do? How much do I discuss?
A: My main advice is to do speak to her in stages so it will not overwhelm
her. This is not a one-time “talk”, but rather an on-going conversation
with more information added as she matures. Set the foundation by
reading a book or watching a video on the subject together, sharing some
stories from your past experiences and reassure her how very normal all
of these changes are.
Q: How can I tell if my daughter is going to get
her period? Are there any signs?
A: Although there are some minor variations for each individual girl, we
pretty much know the order in which the changes associated with puberty
occur. Most girls will grow in height and weight and develop breast buds
before their first period (called menarche) comes. For some girls it can
be as early as 10 and for others as late as 16. The average age of
menarche in the US is 12 ½ years old.
Q: My 11 year old started her period 2 months ago
but did not get it this month and had some staining. How long will it
take for her period to regulate?
A: This is one of most frequently asked questions by mothers. Girls are
delighted that they are having their periods once they start, but moms
worry about the health aspects of being regular. For many girls, their
menses can take as long as two to three years before becoming regular.
For others it can take even longer. There is an occasional girl whose
body is set and when she starts, off she goes with regular menses once
every 4 to 5 weeks.
Q: When is a good time to begin taking my daughter
to a gynecologist?
A: Females do not need to see a gynecologist until after 6 months of being
sexually active. Most pediatricians are very comfortable answering
questions regarding puberty for both girls and boys.
Q: When should I buy my daughter a bra?
A: Another early sign of development is the development of breast buds.
Small mounds of tissues that start developing as your daughter’s height
and weight begin to increase. For some girls, their breasts may be
tender. Having an extra piece of clothing, be it a training bra or
camisole, between her breast and outer piece of clothing may give her a
sense of comfort and maturity. Most girls enjoy this new item, few are
mortified by it. Make shopping for a bra a special time to out with her
and enjoy an afternoon together.
Q: My daughter is very active and does gymnastics.
Is she too young for tampons? Is it dangerous to use them at age 11?
A: There is no inherent danger in using tampons at any age. It is a matter
of the young girl’s comfort level. Review with your child that she needs
to change them every 4 to 6 hours and not to use a tampon overnight.
Q: Is it ok for my son to know his sister has his
period?
A: Most girls will be mortified if anyone (besides mom, and, even mom
sometimes!) knew that she was having her period. Sharing this
information should be at your daughter’s discretion.
Q: My daughter asked if she can get pregnant now
that she has her period. How do I answer that?
A: Answer this with the truth. Yes, you can get pregnant if you have sex.
Of course, she might ask “what is sex?” Or she might actually say: “I am
never going to have sex.” Be prepared for both of these. Refer to “The
Birds and the Bees with Ease!” free e-book on this web site for a more
in-depth explanation.
Q: My daughter started her period 2 years ago and
keeps track of it every month. Now it is 3 days late. She is getting
cramps but nothing is happening. Is this normal?
A: What you are describing is very normal. Many young teens do not get much
cramps when they first start their periods, yet there is an occasional
girl who does. Encourage her to be active, provide her with some over
the counter pain medication, and remind to use a liner regularly, just
in case.
Q: How do you tell a 12 year old it’s not OK to
have sex? You see so much in the news today about teen pregnancy; I feel
I should say something.
A: Have a personal mission statement that your family believes in, based on
your family’s values. Refer back to what your values stand for and refer
to it often as you speak with your daughter. Use your religious beliefs
and sense of family to let her know. In my practice, I always tell the
teens that they will be a lot safer and healthier if they delayed sexual
activity until they were young adults. You can add that there are
responsibilities and dangers associated with sex. Lastly, you can tell
them it is against the law for children to have sex.
Q: What is the most important advice I can give my
daughters about growing up?
A: Although this is a very personal advice, may I suggest you some how you
instill in her the joy and wonder that it is to be female. How special
she is and that she will always have your support.
Q: Any special advice for single dads with
daughters? Is it possible for us to discuss periods and the birds and
the bees with our girls?
A: Most pre-teen girls would be mortified if their dads spoke to them about
periods and sex, etc. Having said that, there is always an exception to
this rule! Many dads will recruit a female family member or friend to
have this conversation with their daughter, a special female teacher at
school, or perhaps, have this information conveyed through a Girl Scout
troop activity.
Be sensitive to your daughter’s emerging blossoming and allow her the
space she needs for privacy. Make sure there are supplies (pads, liners,
etc.) available for her either by having her purchase them or bringing
them with her while at your home. |
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